How Do Couples Decide What to Eat Every Week?

In our house, deciding dinner had a way of falling on my wife. Not because we agreed it should, but because she was the one who noticed when nobody had decided yet. I'd happily cook whatever we picked, but the picking was mostly hers. Looking back, that wasn't fair, and it's a big part of why I built Dinnerbord.

If you're a couple who keeps landing on "I don't know, what do you want?", here's what helped us.

The invisible job

Deciding dinner looks like a two-second question, but whoever answers it is doing more: remembering what you've eaten lately, what's in the fridge, who doesn't like what, and whether anyone needs to shop. When that's always the same person, it's an unpaid job that the other person barely sees.

The first step is just saying it out loud: deciding dinner is a job, and it should be shared.

"Whatever you want" isn't help

"I don't mind, you choose" feels generous, but it hands the whole job back. An actual suggestion is more helpful than any amount of flexibility, even one that gets turned down. "How about the chicken curry on Wednesday?" gives the other person something to say yes or no to.

Decide the week together, once

Instead of negotiating every evening, decide the week in one go. Some ways to split it:

• Each person suggests half the week. You both put dinners on a few days, then look at the result together.
• One suggests, the other approves. Take turns each week, so neither of you is always the one coming up with ideas.
• A veto needs an alternative. You can say no to a suggestion, but only by suggesting something else.

Choose from your shared list

Most couples argue less about dinner when they choose from a list they've already agreed on. If you both added your favourites to a shared rotation, any pick from it is a dinner you both like. See how to keep a family dinner rotation.

Use a reminder, if you're the one who forgets

I'll be honest: I'm the one who needed reminding. I'm analytical, and I like having a system, but normal reminders weren't enough. What changed things was a reminder that only fires when dinner isn't decided yet, and opens the plan so I can suggest something on the spot. It meant I suggested dinners before my wife had to.

How we do it in Dinnerbord

Dinnerbord is built around this way of deciding. Each of us suggests dinners for the days of the week, picked from our shared recipe library. The other person +1s the ones they're happy with. When both of us have backed the same dinner, the day locks and that's what we're having. If we don't agree, either of us suggests something else.

The Remind me daily to plan dinner notification is the part that keeps me doing my share.

You can create a household and invite your partner, or try the free planner on your own first to see how planning a week feels.